He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
