Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
