So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
