Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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