fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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