I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Randomize
