I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
