so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
