Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
