my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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