Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
