He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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