Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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