how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
