Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
