He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
i think my cat just said my name.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
