I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
