It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
