Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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