Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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