He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
