he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
