tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
