Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Randomize
