Girls should come with a carfax report
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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