shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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