I wish I only lived at night.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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