I didn't shave. On purpose
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
50% drunk capacity currently
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
