All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
