I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
My ass is underappreciated
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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