I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
