It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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