I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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