Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize