She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
