dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
