my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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