I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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