I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
