I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize