Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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