I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
