oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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