Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize