I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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