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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
