I'm so fucking centered right now
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
he was CRYING into my vagina
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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