I feel great
I just peed on a car
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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