bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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