last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
