is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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