i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
