i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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