is your mom at the bar?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
