i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
