if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
