we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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