I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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