i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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