Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
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