why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
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