well you can't waste a boner
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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