dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
